Two things happened today that made me a better parent. First, I got a facial. Even the aesthetician’s aghast remark that she had never heard of anyone putting oil on her face as a moisturizer (huh?) did not interfere (very much) with the serenity of lying in near silence for 60 minutes having the furrows in my brow steam-cleaned, masked, and massaged. The forbidden oil is Spectrum organic coconut oil, packaged as skin-care oil. Right now it’s on sale at New Seasons. A few months is too soon to tell if it has a marked effect on the furrows, but at $8.29 for a giant 15 oz. tub, it is worth finding out. This in contrast to $30 for the little ½ oz. pot of eye cream that my spineless, age-phobic self bought after Aesthetician’s (presumably) casual remark about fine lines. Hmm. Next time I’m going to Zenana.

The second was finding my copy of Husker Du’s Zen Arcade that I got signed by the band in a Eugene record store, back when Eugene had a downtown mall and there were record stores. Back when I was 17 with a furrowed brow but no fine lines (though I think my friend J. and I went looking for some after meeting the band and before the show). As a parent, I would now say we weren’t making good choices, but then . . . it was the 80’s. If you don’t already have one, you could go get your own copy of Zen Arcade and look for the secret messages scratched in the runoff area of the disc (“Falling, Shirley, Every Time I Square Off Against Someone’s God”). Music Millennium has some on backorder. Or whatever makes you feel 17 again.

60 minutes of facial and 30 minutes or so of playing some of the record (“Never Talking to You Again,” “Turn On the News” and “Reoccurring Dreams”) allowed me a little time to be the person who deserves some unrepentant hedonism and also the one who never ever wiped someone else’s bum and usually got to finish a sentence. It made me agree to painting, group cookie baking, multiple games of Candyland AND a screening of “It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown,” all in the same afternoon. This is a big deal for my kids, maybe not for yours. Probably you’re not as humorless. Maybe you’re a better parent.

My absolute favorite place to go when I need to be a better parent and have more than 90 minutes is Loyly Sauna (2713 SE 21st Ave). The best deal is to buy a 5-visit card for $80. Given that you can stay up to three hours at each visit, that’s a lemon-grass steam room, cedar sauna, super-cool magazines, and glorious quiet for less than $6/hour. Its sleek, spare interior emphasizes the lack of sharp-edged toys to step on. Water comes in corn-based plastic cups. For a few dollars more, Jessica will give you generous dollops of organic Dr. Hauschka scrubs and masks, or even a steaming hot flower-filled foot soak. Or cleansing tea. Or dark chocolate and red wine. Women-only, men-only, and coed times. It’s the best place to go in SE Portland when you need a time-out, hands-down.

Finally, if 80’s hardcore and self-indulgence just aren’t enough, there is the Portland Parenting Connection Conference this weekend (10/20-21). Naturopathic physician Ed Hoffman-Smith is bringing in Aletha Solter, a developmental psychologist and founder of the Aware Parenting Institute. Local sponsors include Zenana Spa, Yoga Bhoga, and gDiapers (www.gdiapers.com,coupon in Chinook Book for $2 off).

Now if I can just find that journal Henry Rollins signed back in 1985 . . . More...

I’m into recycling and garbage and so I’m often asked which is better paper or plastic? There have been a lot of different studies that examine the “lifecycles” of these two products. From where the materials come from to how they’re processed and every study seems to suggest something different. After years of reading about and thinking about it I have come to the conclusion that…it doesn’t matter.

The environmental “benefit” of one or the other is unnoticeable after you’ve driven to the store. The best bag for carrying stuff, is the bag you brought to the store. In Oregon one is generally rewarded for taking small steps. Discounts are given at coffee shops for bringing your own mug and grocery stores give discounts when you bring your own bag. New Seasons gives five cents off and Safeway gives us three cents. It doesn’t add up to very much, on a great day we might get a whole quarter off (which we don’t notice when beer is on sale and our bill just broke $100) but it’s still something.

Last winter I studying and traveling in Germany. On my first evening I went to a grocery store to get food for lunches as I was checking out I realized that I was being charged 10 cents for a bag. I quickly to the cashier that I didn’t need a bag and I carried what little I was purchasing back to the hostel. I think that this is something we should do here. Over the years there has been talk about banning plastic bags from stores or stores no longer carrying paper bags. Instead stores should just start charging customers to use their bags.

In our house we reuse a paper bag maybe 10 times before it really starts to fall apart, plastic bags don’t even last half as long. So instead we picked up a few canvas bags at a garage sale and the farmer’s market and use them to tote our stuff home.

Although we’re not going to change the world overnight by using our own bags, it does feel better knowing that I’m not getting some disposable product just to transport food 100 feet. We now use our bags for everything and it sure beats having plastic bags spilling everywhere. So I encourage all of you to start carrying your own bags to the store with you, which ever store, because you’ll be helping the environment and you’ll probably save some money. More...

I was going to wait to have children until I was more. More perfect, more ready, more of a better role model, more patient, more familiar with the food pyramid and multiplication tables. But instead, my baby is due to arrive into this world as Virgo gives way to Libra. So, soon in other words.

Almost immediately after confirming that I was in fact pregnant and not dying of a rare mononucleosis-influenza combination, the contrast between how I want to live my life and the fact that I don’t is glaringly obvious.

 The growing human being inside me is a huge motivation to commit to being the person I want to be and start living by my values, rather than by habits I’d hoped would change on their own. I suppose I have a few years before he is really paying attention to my actions but I figure if I wait till then, we’re really screwed. So, I did what I do best - made a list of things I could do better now and things I want to learn more about so I can make better choices for him, as well as for the Greater Good.

The first baby-based environmental choice I made was to commit to using cloth diapers. I’ve heard, mostly from people who’ve exclusively used disposables, that cloth diapers aren’t really better for the environment because of increased water use, but my research convinced me that it was the most environmentally sound of the two options. And truth be told my friends, this is a budget baby. My choice to go with cloth diapers is as much about saving money as the environment.

I am getting used to the opinions of The Others, but I am still surprised at how much crap I took for this decision, so to speak. Friends, co-workers and near strangers acted like I was out of my damn mind to consider doing something as “disgusting” as using cloth diapers. Even in the baby class I was forced to take by my doctor the teacher asked us how many of us were brave enough to try cloth and only two of us raised our hands. I swear I heard snickering behind me. I was starting to feel like a freak for considering this.

 The nagging feeling that I was missing something stayed with me until I got online and discovered Babyworks, a locally owned business in Portland specializing in natural baby care and cloth diapering. I knew I’d found the right place when I read their tagline: “your complete marketplace of products that are comfortable for babies, convenient for parents, and gentle to the earth.” Babyworks offers all kinds of practical advice and have awesome customer service. They even have the cutest baby leg warmers! How on earth leg warmers made a comeback is a story for another day. Ultimately, the choice came down to being willing to take some crap because I know this is the right decision for me. If you’re trying to make your own decision on the diaper debate, here are a couple sites to check out:

Real Diaper Association

The New Parents Guide

Can I drive a Dodge Ram and still consider myself part of the “green” team? Or is it an exclusive club comprised purely of homemade granola eating, biodiesel-driving, hemp-wearing people?

This is a question I ask myself on a regular basis as I drive down the rode in my gets-15-miles-a-gallon-but-it-was-free truck with an anti-war bumper sticker on it. For those of us who suspect the war in Iraq might have something to do with oil, I can’t imagine a gas-guzzler with a MoveOn.org bumper sticker on it doesn’t seem just the slightest bit hypocritical.

The first commitment I made to do my part for the planet was under duress. My 8-year-old brother watched my mom throw away one of those six-pack plastic things that kill fish and seabirds. He’d just had an environmental impact lesson at school and lectured us at length about how many fish and birds could’ve died by our carelessness. My mom raised her eyebrows at me and narrowed her eyes at him.

“This is what they’re teaching you at school? That I kill fish?” She started muttering in Slovak and continued her work with the meat cleaver. My brother dropped the subject and backed out of the kitchen but I never forgot about it. To this day, I can’t pass one of those plastic yokes in the garbage without taking scissors to it.

It’s just one small thing, right? But I think that’s how it works. We get turned on to new ideas, better ways of doing things and then incorporate what make sense to us into our own lives. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing a pretty good job being a conscious consumer and then realize the bag I’m using to scoop puppy poop is from Wal-Mart because I shopped there recently. And would a green person do that? Shop at Wal-Mart, I mean? I feel guilty about shopping there; what is that worth? Not much.

But I want to be green. I want to do what’s best for the environment. I just don’t always actually do it. And I certainly don’t do it all the time. When do you cease to be hypocrite and start to be an active member in the cause for a better environment for ourselves and our children?

Now seems as good a time as any. Because I’m going to stop waiting until “later” when I’m more “ready” to “really do it right.” I’m going to start here and now with the belief that to consider myself a green person, it comes down to the sum total of my actions. Good intentions followed up with conscious choices. I believe it’s true that small things done regularly add up to make a worthwhile difference. Being green isn’t about the pursuit of perfection but rather the intention and choice to continue working in that direction, one person, one thing at a time. So, ditch the guilt and pat yourself on the back for what you’ve done so far. Now, let’s consider what would make us feel deserving of the green merit badge and get to work on making good on our intentions. More...

Being green on a budget can be tough. Remaining committed to being green can be even tougher. Before the birth of our child, however, I decided to forgo laziness, and try to balance what was cheapest, what was healthiest, and what was most economical. For starters, I decided we should use cloth diapers.

Friends and family tended to react to this as follows: “What about the poop?” I tried to shrug this off, but inside, I was thinking, But what about the poop? I wanted to go green without turning green, and I am not known for having a strong stomach. I was secretly hoping for a child who would not produce any of the afore-mentioned substance.

Finally, I ran across a friend who had actually used cloth diapers, and she gave me very exciting news: they make paper liners, so you can just flush or throw away the poop, rather than rinsing it out of the diapers. Yes! I thought. I can do this! I also found out that one no longer must use pins and plastic pants; today’s cloth diapers consist of thick rectangles of fabric held in place by a lovely Velcro cover.

We received an exciting gift for our baby shower: a five-pack of Kushies’ all-in-one-diapers. These marvels are as easy to use as good old petroleum-based disposables! They feature a waterproof exterior and cloth interior, all in one (as the name rather hints). I highly recommend them; they are about $50 for five. The good news is that they fit for a long time, and, as those pesky disposables cost $.20 to nearly $1 a diaper, the cloth ones are worth it in the long run.

Meanwhile, those family-and-friends skeptics were starting to be won over, making suggestions like, “Maybe you should get a diaper service so you don’t have to touch the poop.” I looked into it. Nope! Our grad-student and single-income budget just won’t cut it! I was still a little worried about the poop, but I bought those flushable liners (about $.08 each, and biodegradable). I kept citing statistics to my friends and to my husband Jeremy, about landfill issues (diapers make up about a third of all landfill waste), and about early potty-training (cloth-diapered kids train up to a year earlier, because they can feel the wetness).